Posted by: consigliere5 | March 23, 2010

March 23 2010

Political Content from dvds released on March 23, 2010: The Blind Side, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Brothers, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Zombies of Mass Destruction, The Graves

1. The Blind Side [Rated PG-13 for one scene involving brief violence, drug and sexual references.]

summary from imdb.com:

The story of Michael Oher, a homeless and traumatized boy who became an All American football player and first round NFL draft pick with the help of a caring woman and her family.

starring: Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Quinton Aaron, Kim Dickens, Kathy Bates

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
John Nolte at Big Hollywood
Pam Meister at Big Hollywood
Cam Cannon at Big Hollywood
Christian Toto
John Boot at Pajamas Media
Sonny Bunch at the Washington Times
Parcbench #1
Parcbench #2
Debbie Schlussel
Hollywood, STFU.
Rebecca Cusey
movieguide.org Christian reviews

articles:
Middle America Cheers For Sandra Bullock
by Richard Grenell at Big Hollywood

‘Precious’ vs. ‘The Blind Side’: The System, Worked
by Mr. Wrestling IV at Big Hollywood

‘Blind Side’ Director ‘Regrets’ Bush-Bashing Joke
by John Nolte at Big Hollywood

Why the Gratuitous Bush-Bash in ‘Blind Side’? — I’ll Tell You Why…
by John Nolte at Big Hollywood

‘The Blind Side’: Predictable Critics, Predictable Criticism
by Dallas Jenkins at Big Hollywood

The last sucker punch at Bush?
by Christian Toto

Poli-Bits:

from Pam Meister’s review at Big Hollywood:

It’s an incredibly inspiring story of one family’s Christian charity making a difference – one person at a time. And Oher isn’t the only beneficiary, as star Sandra Bullock, who plays Leigh Anne, notes. She says that while it is obvious how much the Tuohys did for Michael Oher, “it was not that one-sided. They certainly did a good deed in taking in this young man in such a loving and generous way. But, in turn, he brought out a side of their family that they didn’t even realize was missing. The family seemed to have all the success and joy in the world, but when Michael showed up, it was as if he was the final piece to the puzzle.”

One thing that seemed to pop up frequently in the commentary about this film was from certain liberals bemoaning the “disturbing patriarchal nature” of a wealthy white couple taking in a disadvantaged black kid, and the “racist” overtones of the film.

Well one, it’s a true story. And two, would it have been better for the Tuohys to leave Oher wandering in the cold with nowhere to turn so that they would avoid being “patriarchal?” Perhaps these critics would prefer that the movie change the white couple to a black one to make it less “patriarchal.” Or perhaps the director should have avoided showing where Oher came from – the projects, populated by some very unfortunate people – in order to be more “sensitive.”

Oher was already a ward of the state. Obviously the state wasn’t exactly doing a stellar job in making sure he had a shot at life. Star Parker points out the obvious:

Our wake-up call should be that the factors that saved and transformed Michael Oher’s life stand in stark contrast to the government solutions we hear from Washington about dealing with our problems relating to poverty and education.

Oher’s story is about private individuals, about personal choices and responsibility, and about Christians.

Perhaps that’s what’s really burning the libs’ toast. The state failed Oher and the Tuohys, who didn’t have to take Oher in, did – with nothing material to gain and out of the goodness of their hearts.

And while there are “racist overtones” in the film, they are there because sad to say, racism is still a part of life everywhere – and not just in America. Sadly, there will always be racists no matter what their color. Some people will always just be – jerks. What matters is how society as a whole treats them, and as long as society continues to look down on such behavior, the fewer of them there will be and the less impact they will have.

[…]

I was aware of the “Bush-bashing” moment before going, but I was so excited about the storyline that I didn’t let that deter me. It was a tiny blip. And really, in retrospect, you can look at it another way, as Cam Cannon notes:

It was a federal government building, and W. was the head man at the time…didn’t bother me. In fact, one of Bush’s problems was that the Federal Government grew under his watch, and he wasn’t as conservative as advertised, so it didn’t bother me one little bit.

There were also a few laugh lines that could be seen as digs at Democrats.

from Cam Cannon’s review at Big Hollywood:

The race and class issues are addressed, and as in the book, we get a sense of how political correctness has actually made these problems worse, not better. No one can seem to believe that the Tuohy’s take Michael in for any reason other than personal gain.

You know from the trailer and from real life that Michael is black. For some reason, this matters to a lot of people. And only some of them are openly racist.

The movie, like the book, contains textbook examples of Christian-minded conservatism in practice. Michael’s mom, it turns out, is addicted to crack cocaine. Leigh Anne meets Michael’s mom, and is remarkably non-judgmental. This is a great-ish performance from Bullock, playing an unapologetically conservative woman…

from Daria DiGiovanni’s review at Parcbench.com:

Which makes my review of The Blind Side all the more satisfying to write: not only is it based on a true story of Christian charity and faith, it takes place in Memphis, Tennessee, in a part of the USA liberals refer to as “flyover country”. Or in other words, a vast, non-coastal area populated with nothing but racist rednecks who shoot off their guns indiscriminately and inbreed with close relatives. […]

What begins as an act of compassion leads to a positive, life-altering experience for both Michael and the Tuohy family. In a definitive demonstration of the superiority of decent, determined and committed individuals over the failed policies of the nanny state, Michael flourishes under the care of his “adopted” parents and siblings, who recognize his potential as a human being, athlete and scholar. And while the newest addition to the family confronts seemingly endless obstacles on the way to his ultimate triumph, none of them are a direct result of racism — at least not on the part of his caretakers, for whom the color of his skin is irrelevant.

Michael himself is a living, breathing testament to the enduring spirit of the individual. In spite of the circumstances of his birth to a welfare mom living in deplorable government housing, he never succumbs to the anger, bitterness and violence that consumes his peers in the projects. Instead, he develops into a young man with a remarkable protective instinct and a heartbreakingly gentle disposition that endures, whether he’s rinsing out his only shirt in the washtub of the laundromat or quietly seeking shelter in the cold, long after the school day has ended.

In one telling scene toward the film’s conclusion, Leigh Anne — having just spent hours searching for her “son” amid the slums of Hurt Village — asks how he managed to survive in such a soul-killing environment. Michael explains that whenever something bad would go down, his mother would instruct him to close his eyes and not open them until it was all over, until it was “good again”.

“I only saw the good,” he tells an emotional Leigh Anne. And it’s precisely that ability to block out the pain of the past and stay focused on whatever good he can find, that prevents Michael from descending into a life of crime and despair. As an individual, he manages to rise above the dire consequences of oppressive statism masquerading as government benevolence.

And in the Tuohy family, we witness the results of faith in action. While I fully acknowledge it’s not necessary to believe in God in order to have the capacity to demonstrate meaningful compassion toward others, given Hollywood’s proclivity to denigrate Christians, it is gratifying that the real people behind the story just happen to be followers of Christ. Oh and yes — they also happen to be southern. The more I think about it, the more amazed I am that the powers-that-be in the entertainment industry even made this incredible film in the first place. Lucky for us, even Hollywood hypocrites embrace the “dirty”, capitalistic concept known as profit — something they’d make more of, if only they’d produce more positive, uplifting films like The Blind Side.

dialogue:

woman #1: his grade-point average begins with zero… zero point six…

woman #2: everyone passed him along… they gave him Ds so they could hand off their problem to the next school…

Coach Burt Cotton: that’s a brave kid… for wanting to come here… for wanting a quality education… an education denied him by the poor quality of schools he’s attended… i tell ya, most kids with his background wouldn’t come within 200 miles of this place…

woman #1: Coach Cotton, we understand your interest in this young man’s athletic abilities…

another man: well he wouldn’t be able to play sports until he got his grades up anyway…

Coach: forget sports… look at the wall… Christian… we either take that seriously, or we paint over it… you don’t admit Michael Oher because of sports… you admit him because it’s the right thing to do…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: S.J., don’t let this go to your head… but I thought you were very convincing in the role of…

S.J. Tuohy: Indian #3? I tried out for the Chief, but they gave it to Andy Sung… I can’t be sure, but I think there’s some multicultural bias thing working…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: i’m not cutting, i’m just asking… let me tell you something, alright… we have been sitting around here for over an hour and when i look around and all i see are people shootin’ the bull and drinking coffee… who runs this place?

[woman behind the counter points to photo of George W. Bush]

well, i’d have it in shape in two days, i can tell you that…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: ya ever see so many rednecks in one place?

S.J. Tuohy: NASCAR… not even close…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: i understand you applied for a teaching position at Wingate…

Miss Sue: i wasn’t religious enough for them… i’m a spiritual person, Ms. Tuohy, but i have certain… shall we say… doubts…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: well i appreciate your honesty, Miss Sue… […]

Miss Sue: Ms. Tuohy, there’s something you should know about me… i don’t usually tell many people, but… it’s something i feel you should be aware of before you hire me…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: uh… what is it?

Miss Sue: i’m a democrat…

Leigh Anne Tuohy: okay…

Miss Sue: cause I’m here to help you use those maps and reach your destination like Sacajawea led Lewis and Clark…

Michael Oher: Sacajawea?

Miss Sue: we’ll get to that… and the history books have it wrong…

Sean Tuohy: Who would’ve thought we’d have a black son before we knew a Democrat?

Leigh Anne Touhy: You threaten my son, you threaten me… If you so much as set foot downtown you will be sorry. I’m in a prayer group with the D.A., I’m a member of the NRA, and I’m always packing.

Alton: what’cha got in there, a .22? or a Saturday Night Special?

Leigh Anne Touhy: mmm-hmmm… and it shoots just fine all the other days, too…

Leigh Anne Touhy narration: I read a story the other day about a boy from the projects… no daddy… in and out of foster care… he’d been killed in a gang fight at Hurt Village… in the last paragraph, they talked about his superb athletic skills… and how different his life might have been if he hadn’t fallen behind and dropped out of school… he was 21 years old the day he died… it was his birthday… that could have been anyone… it could have been my son, Michael… but it wasn’t… and I suppose I have God to thank for that… God and– Lawrence Taylor…

2. Fantastic Mr. Fox [Rated PG for action, smoking and slang humor.]

summary from imdb.com:

It is the story of one Mr. Fox and his wild-ways of hen heckling, turkey taking and cider sipping, nocturnal, instinctive adventures. He has to put his wild days behind him and do what fathers do best: be responsible. He is too rebellious. He is too wild. He is going to try “just one more raid” on the three nastiest, meanest farmers that are Boggis, Bunce and Bean. It is a tale of crossing the line of family responsibilities and midnight adventure and the friendships and awakenings of this country life that is inhabited by Fantastic Mr. Fox and his friends.

voiced by: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Michael Gambon, Eric Chase Anderson, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, Jarvis Cocker, Wes Anderson, Karen Duffy, Roman Coppola, Brian Cox, Adrien Brody, Mario Batali

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
Christian Toto
John Boot at Pajamas Media
Sonny Bunch at the Washington Times
Debbie Schlussel
movieguide.org Christian reviews

Poli-Bitseeevil corporate farmers

3. The Men Who Stare at Goats [Rated R for language, some drug content and brief nudity.]

summary from imdb.com:

A reporter in Iraq might just have the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassady, a guy who claims to be a former member of the U.S. Army’s New Earth Army, a unit that employs paranormal powers in their missions.

starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey, Stephen Lang, Robert Patrick, Stephen Root, Glenn Morshower, Rebecca Mader

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
Carl Kozlowski at Big Hollywood
Kyle Smith
Sonny Bunch at the Washington Times
Debbie Schlussel
Kurt Loder
Parcbench
movieguide.org Christian reviews

Poli-Bits:

from Parcbench:

By now we should not be surprised when tinsel town takes shots at our military. However, when it has a comedic tone we can’t be sure if they are really attacking our armed forces or just using them as a neutral basis for humor. Based on Hollywood’s recent past (Lions for Lambs, Redacted, Rendition), we can bet they enjoy every shot the can take at the military. This film, on the other hand, may just be nothing more than a silly story about a misguided group of men.

Based on a book by Jon Ronson, The Men Who Stare at Goats is the story of the First Earth Battalion handbook which was (apparently) written by a whack job in the military during the 1970’s. The focus was to teach non-lethal tactics to soldiers which could replace the more destructive methods. In reality this was looked at as a joke but the film plays it off as a serious (and official) group of elite soldiers.

Jeff Bridges plays the founder of the New Earth Army (Bill Django). After the war in Vietnam, he decided to try and steer the military in a new direction by incorporating a hippie mentality into modern warfare. Django is more or less the military reincarnate of “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski. […]

In a silly attempt to highlight absurdities in our military, this film depicts the most elite group of American soldiers as LSD induced hippies that use “super powers” to prevent war. The assumption here is that the United States military is a group of war mongers (obvious liberal slant) that are in desperate need of new tactics.

We are even told that this elite “New Earth” group is funded again because the new administration is more open minded than the last one (Surprised they didn’t just say “no more blood for oil”). Of course, we don’t actually see these elite soldiers accomplish anything besides taking drugs and acting stupid. The film doesn’t try very hard to defend the soldiers from scrutiny, however. Rather it manages to leave them as undefended targets.

from Sonny Bunch:

It’s hard to tell what mission Lyn is on, exactly, or what Bob will accomplish by sticking with him. Each vignette might inspire a few giggles but does little to move the story toward any sort of resolution.

The problem comes to a head at the end, when it is revealed just what Bob’s purpose is: He is there to chronicle Abu Ghraib-style abuses by the psy-ops soldiers and use his journalistic bona fides to spread the truth. Yet director Grant Heslov and writer Peter Straughan dance around this point, rushing through the revelation and its aftermath; they seem to realize that audiences are less interested in a critique of detainee treatment than in a Coenesque farce.

Their business sense might be right on (films about the Iraq war’s excesses have uniformly died at the box office) but it feels like a cop-out. Instead of owning their critique of the military and the war, Mr. Straughan and Mr. Heslov distance themselves from the uglier aspects of the conflict, and the result is a rudderless, bloodless movie that doesn’t quite know what it is.

from Slant Magazine:

but the quest turns out to be genuine: a confrontation with Cassady’s former rival (Kevin Spacey) in his old corps of telepaths, now leading a private militia specializing in prisoner abuse via strobe light and endless play of Barney the Dinosaur’s theme song—Zen tactics twisted to the dark side.

from smh.com.au:

The movie begins with a title: more of this is true than you would believe. Well, yes and no.

The Iraqi adventures of Bob and Lyn are an invention of the scriptwriter to push Ronson’s thesis about Abu Ghraib. I suspect that is why Clooney is doing the movie, through the production company he shares with director Grant Heslov (co-writer of Good Night, and Good Luck). They are sticking it to Bush and Co again over the Iraq war. Fair enough too except that there are some who feel Ronson rather overstated his claim of a link between Channon’s ideas and the torture of prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

from ugo.com:

By the time we get to the big finish and discover that Bridges’ flower power is now being used for evil (it was Ronson that broke that Barney the Purple Dinosaur was being used as an interrogation technique) any semblance of gravitas has long since been lost somewhere in the desert. The Men Who Stare At Goats presents an ending where the audience is meant to cheer the wholesale release of detainees in Iraq, but fails to present any evidence as to their guilt or innocence. Anyone mean ol’ Kevin Spacey (who uses LSD-fueled PsyOps for his own personal gain, man) has locked them up must be freed – never mind that we may very well be letting terrorists back into the wild.

from reeldc.com:

That’s too much of a downer for the movie, which trades in leftist outrage against the war in Iraq while trying not to take anything very seriously. Heslov and his collaborators even indulge a liberal revenge fantasy, in which some Iraqi prisoners are spontaneously released from the shipping-container cells in which they’ve been tortured. But the film prefers not to emphasize the more physical forms of abuse — for that, see Taxi to the Dark Side — and it certainly doesn’t want viewers to ask if the men being set free are innocents who will go home to their families or fanatics who will return to killing American soldiers and Iraqi civilians. The movie prefers to focus on the fact that some of these prisoners had been tormented with endless rounds of insipid ditties from Barney and Sesame Street.

from the fun, frothy, lighthearted “World Socialist Web Site”:

The Men Who Stare at Goats possesses more heart than logic in dramatizing what the filmmakers clearly perceive to be a period of lunacy in the history of the American military. Sobering, however, is the film’s inference that the unit’s psychic testing in the 1980s was in part responsible for the development of the “enhanced interrogation techniques” used in the current ‘war on terror.’ Despite the film’s artistic license about events and its confused structure, it promotes a humane and antiwar sentiment. Images of sinister American corporate scavengers (bringing Blackwater, Halliburton et al to mind) ripping through Iraq’s countryside in their Humvees and the torture of prisoners at the hands of the military-trained Hooper reinforce the movie’s overall disgust with America’s neocolonial ventures.

dialogue: too many lines for me to try and write them all out… so here are just a few:

every single one of Bill’s men fired high… they instinctively hadn’t wanted to shoot another person… later Bill would come across a study which revealed that only 15 to 20 percent of fresh soldiers shot to kill… the rest aimed high, didn’t fire at all, or pretended to be busy doing something else…

we are a hollow ARMY, gentlemen… Vietnam has crushed our soul… we have to dream a new America… an America that no longer has an exploitative view of natural resources… no longer promotes consumption at all costs… but to achieve this dream, we must become the first Super Power to develop super powers… we must create Warrior monks… men and women who can fall in love with everyone… sense plant auras… pass through walls… stop saying mindless cliches and see into the future… i want you to join me in this vision… be ALL you can be…

in what became known as the Battle of Ramadi, 12 people were injured, mostly locals… both security companies claimed that they had been fired upon first by Iraqis… of course, it was later revealed that they had actually fired upon each other…

4. Brothers [Rated R for language and some disturbing violent content.]

summary from imdb.com:

A young man comforts his older brother’s wife and children after he goes missing in Afghanistan.

starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman, Tobey Maguire, Clifton Collins Jr., Sam Shepard, Mare Winningham, Carey Mulligan, Ethan Suplee,

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
Carl Kozlowski at Big Hollywood
Kyle Smith
Christian Toto
David C. Stolinsky, MD
Sonny Bunch at the Washington Times
movieguide.org Christian reviews

Poli-Bits:

from movieguide.org:

Despite its decidedly mature elements, BROTHERS places a heavy emphasis on unconditional, family love. […] The Cahills are a traditional Christian family, and Sam’s sacrifice is honored at church, through hymns and prayer. War is depicted as both honorable and horrific. The Cahills are proud to serve their country, but the horrors of war are vividly portrayed, especially from terrorist groups.

part of a positive review from a conservative (at Big Hollywood):

…But I must say, I was pleasantly surprised by “Brothers.” It’s a much better and richer film than its advertising makes it out to be, which is perhaps a result of its complex themes and plotting. It’s not anti-American, anti-troop, or anti-family – but to explain how or why would require giving away vital and late-blooming plot threads.

What I can reveal about “Brothers” is that it deals with heavy themes that are affecting families nationwide on a daily basis. Heroic men and women are stepping up and facing their marching orders every day, heading into two war zones that unfortunately have incredibly devious enemy forces and vast uncharted terrain. It is fact as well that the stresses involved in battling terrorists who employ guerrilla warfare tactics rather than any form of honor is resulting in large numbers of soldiers dealing with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Tobey Maguire’s character is one of those unfortunate souls driven over the edge of sanity by what he sees in Afghanistan. The key point here in defending this film against the other prior Hollywood dreck is that this film unequivocally shows Maguire as a man in charge of a squad and does so with devotion and honor.

The evils shown or implied in this film are squarely planted on the shoulders of the Taliban forces who capture Maguire and one of his men after their helicopter crashes in the desert, leaving their superiors to unwittingly report them as dead. Maguire is compelled under absolutely shocking duress to commit an atrocity, but the film clearly shows it is a moment of madness, not relish, while ultimately offering him forgiveness and the restoration of his humanity.

And when Maguire is rescued alive and returned home, the slow-burning tension that does in fact lead to the advertised police showdown is portrayed with understanding, restraint and respect for what he went through. Gyllenhaal’s sarcastic, layabout brother transforms from mocking the war and Maguire’s commitment to the military to an honorable man himself. Portman is as devoted a wife after Maguire’s (presumed) death as she was in his life.

Based on a 2004 Danish film called “Brodre” and written by David Benioff, who also plumbed the horrors of Islamic extremism as part of the plot in his adaptation of “The Kite Runner,” “Brothers” offers a sympathetic view of a family torn by war and its heart-rending side effects. Directed by Jim Sheridan, the Irish native whose 2003 masterpiece “In America” offered a highly personal tribute to his adopted homeland and stands as one of the decade’s most underrated films, the movie offers a genuine catharsis of the mixed emotions millions of Americans feel eight years and two presidents into wars with no end in sight.

It’s a bit of tough medicine at times, but it ultimately works as a reminder that family ties are often the strongest connections we have. “Brothers” offers one big step towards respect and understanding for our troops. It’s one Hollywood film that deserves notice and a little bit of praise.

and here‘s a very negative review from David C. Stolinsky, MD [Spoiler Warning]

5. The Twilight Saga: New Moon [Rated PG-13 for some violence and action.]

summary:

When Edward leaves Bella, her whole world is turned upside down. With Bella’s heart broken, she turns to Jacob (Jake) her best friend to fill the void that was left by Edward. As Bella spends more time with Jake, she learns that there’s more than vampires in the town of Forks.

starring: Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Anna Kendrick, Dakota Fanning, Michael Sheen, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Nikki Reed, Graham Greene, Cameron Bright

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
Ted Baehr at Big Hollywood
Kyle Smith
Christian Toto
Sonny Bunch at the Washington Times
Debbie Schlussel
Kurt Loder
movieguide.org Christian reviews

Poli-Bits: nice and free from leftist-content

dialogue by Anna Kendrick:

and why are there that many zombie movies anyway… is it supposed to draw a parallel about leprosy? my cousin had leprosy and it’s not funny… and like… is it supposed to be a metaphor about consumerism? cause… don’t be so pleased with your own… like… self-referential cleverness, y’know? like, some girls like to shop… not all girls, apparently…

6. Zombies of Mass Destruction [Rated R for strong bloody zombie violence and gore, language, sexual references and brief drug use.]

summary from: amazon.com

A conservative island community is under attack! Port Gamble, Washington is being overrun with brain-eaters, and the people seem powerless to stave them off. A ragtag band of rebels led by Frida (Janette Armand), an Iranian college student suspected of being an Iraqi terrorist, and Tom (Doug Fahl), a gay businessman who has returned to town with his partner to come out to his mother, tries to turn the tide and push the invading hordes of undead back.

Conservo-Libertarian Reviews:
Christian Toto

Poli-Bits: xenophobia,  homophobia, “the bigotries and ignorance prevalent in smalltown America”

from Variety:

Set in the conservative island community of Fort Gamble, Wash., in 2003, the film offers parallel stories of two outcast residents: Frida (Janette Armand), an Iranian college student coping with the community’s suspicions that she’s a terrorist, and Tom (Doug Fahl), a gay businessman reluctantly returning to town with his boyfriend (Cooper Hopkins) to come out to his mother.

Come nightfall, a wave of lurching zombies descends on the scene, and small-town prejudices come to the fore. The redneck contingent suspects Middle Eastern terrorism, while the bingo-loving churchgoers are certain the gays are somehow to blame, and the two protags are forced to make allies of the hostile townfolk to survive the onslaught.

from Quiet Earth:

What started with a slow zombie outbreak and an introduction to our main characters quickly devolved into what could be loosely interpreted as “Have we not learned our lesson?”. But when I say “loosely”, what I really mean is they took the political mockery so far it lost it’s point and ended up making me want to leave the theater. […]

We start with a few different key characters, all set to be in opposition. An Iranian girl, the Republican, a gay guy and his boyfriend, and other such stereotyped conservatives and leftist people molds. Set in the town of Port Gamble with its picket fences and quaint Norman Rockwell charm, the people are subjected to a vague “terrorist attack”, a viral outbreak which turns the good townsfolk into zombies. The film, set in September 2003 (as if that lends the film more credibility), immediately felt like smoking too much cheap weed. But more about the story.

The gay guy (with his boyfriend in tow) is going to come out to his Mother over dinner. He’s afraid, and without his man’s constant pushing would never have grown the cajones required to spit it out, but by then it was too late. His Mom was trying to eat him. Then there’s the Iranian girl and I really don’t need to detail her plot line, just throw in the stereotyped Republican and you can guess. Then there’s the conservative Christian mayor and his opponent, the long haired school teacher (who probably has hairy armpits) stuck in the Church with the faithful. Guess who lives and who dies?

In the end, I hate to say this as the trailer, which contained the few rare moments that were enjoyable, looked so good, but this just didn’t work. The political stuff easily outweighed the humour when it should have been the other way around. I can’t recommend this, not even as a rental. Now excuse me while I go drink the Obama kool-aid.

dialogue:

wife: well… lookit, Frida honey… i’ve been wanting to tell you how awful that whole mess in Iraq is… i always vote… we, always vote democrat in every election… and i…

husband: what the hell are you talking about? we always vote democrat? i don’t vote for no p###ies…

wife: Joe!

husband: look, Frida’s glad we’re bringing democracy to her home country… am i right Frida?

Frida: actually, i’m not from Iraq…

wife: whassat?

Frida: i’m from… right here… it’s my dad who’s from Iran…

husband and wife: Iraaaannn…

wife: well i think it’s just a tragedy… all that blood… for a little bit of oil…

preacher: aborted little babies… Islamic terrorists… homosexuals gettin’ married… friends: these sins are but temporary delights in this world… but they are a ticket straight to hell in the next… God is watching and God will strike back soon… Amen…

Mayor Burton: great sermon today… really great… that second hour?

Reverend Haggis: thank you… i worked quite a bit on that part about the abortion clinic… just the way that they’re taking the responsibility away…

Mayor: she’s running against me… Banks is running against me…

Reverend: Banks? oh she’s a Godless Jezebel…

Mayor: well, Teddy, with all due respect… so is half the island…

Reverend: truth be told, it’s probably more than half… Port Gamble is… is changed… i mean did you see that turnout today? it’s Sunday morning, for pity’s sake… it’s God’s prime time to shine…

Mayor: remember the 90’s Teddy? Clinton was our go to scapegoat… we had the fishing industry… tourists by the hundreds…

[scene ends with one of the two men placing their hand on top of the other’s]

[Frida closes the curtains so that nobody can look inside the house and see her Muslim dad praying:]

Frida: you shouldn’t pray in the front room, Dad…

guy on news show on tv: if you look at the evidence… which is very little… there is no conclusive proof that this is a terrorist act

guy 2: not conclusive? son…

guy 1: i for one believe that our president has spread our defense resources entirely too thin…

guy 2: that’s ignorant… people of Port Gamble: get your guns and your bombs and start exercising your God-given right to… exercise your God-given right…

[videotaped message from terrorist on tv:]

for years, you Americans have terrorized our people… insulted allah and our culture… you tried to destroy us…

husband: again with the Muslims!

husband: some of us gotta give up certain rights to stay safe…

Frida: Mr. Miller… i was born and raised here…

[gay man 1 and 2 run up to house while covered in blood and yelling… causing man in house to shoot himself… man 1 and 2 yell “homophobe!”]

[husband forces Frida to eat ham to prove she isn’t a muslim terrorist… then he decides to pretend he’s going to torture her to get her to confess… then he pounds a big nail into her foot…]

Reverend: the mayor and I would like to take this opportunity to welcome the newcomers to our church… and to Armageddon… [churchgoers happily applaud]… this is it! this is Judgement Day! this is the day that i’ve been telling you about all my life… it’s a time when… when Christ will separate the righteous from the sinners… and the pure will inherit the earth… make no mistake, folks… it is not a coincidence that Judgement Day fell upon us when we were all here… safe in His house of worship… because out there, are the sinners: the unitarians… the, the gays… the pro-choicers… the, the doomed… the demons that have, that have resided in their souls… have emerged… to possess their minds and their bodies…

[…]

teacher Cheryl Banks: you’re saying it’s because he’s evil? it, it’s probably because of an environmental illness, from all the toxins in Port Gamble… think about it…

teacher Cheryl Banks: we’ve got at least a makeshift weapon for everyone… including a couple of guns… that Larry saw fit to bring to church…

Larry: hey, i come prepared, honey… i’ll donate what i have… except for Little Billy here…

teacher: i absolutely condemn the use of guns, so please be careful…

[the 2 gay men have just become outed in the church:]

Mayor: folks, this here’s a war… on one side, you’ve got your pure… on the other? sinners… soon to become zombies… and we all gotta take sides… what side are you on, Tom?

some guy: throw the f####ts out!!

another guy: throw the f####ts out!!

Reverend: Quiet!

woman: they don’t belong here…

some other guy: throw the f####ts out of here!!

Reverend: Quiet!! now shame on you!! how dare you… this is absolutely wrong… they are children of God… you’re as bad as those monsters outside… shame!! shame on every one of you… we… just have to convert them…

[church people bring out a machine to convert the gay men into straight men:]

Reverend: no, no boys… don’t worry… we don’r even use the electrical coils anymore… this is totally humane… really! we have some footage of homosexual images, which you’ll watch… and we’ll inject you with an iv drip which will make you nauseas… no, boys, i’m sorry… i’m not very good at explaining the conversion machine, but it works… i swear, it works… and it’s… absolutely painless… […] no, i can’t let you go outside, it’s too dangerous out there…

[one guy is hooked up to machine:]

Reverend: i’m so excited… i haven’t used this since the glory days… this, this is in case you vomit…

[the final scene consists of a speech while the camera pans across a bulletin board featuring drawings and messages by kids… one message says “I HATE ARABS” and “I ❤ DAD”]

woman giving speech: good afternoon, my fellow Port Gambleites… welcome to, our first annual Green Light Day… because we can’t protect an island… or a country for that matter with peace alone… we need a stronger police force… we need a Homeland Security presence here, on the island… Defense begins with you and me… we must remain armed and vigilant against any future threat… we must be ready… to report any and all suspicious behavior…

7. The Graves [Rated R for bloody violence.]

summary from imdb.com:

Two inseparable sister’s visit to a remote mine town turns into a mind-bending fight for survival against menaces both human and supernatural.

starring: Clare Grant, Jillian Murray, Tony Todd, Bill Moseley

non-conservative reviews

Poli-Bits:

from fearnet.com:

Finding themselves lost en route to the world’s biggest thermometer, the waitress at a small-town diner suggests they visit Skull City Mine, an ominous local landmark that promises the two horror fans plenty of creepy thrills. But the sisters get more than they bargain for when they discover that the abandoned mine is a killing ground for a hillbilly blacksmith named Jonah who appears to be operating at the behest of Reverend Abraham (Tony Todd), an evangelical preacher who claims that their god demands regular sacrifices – and wants the Graves sisters to be next.

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